Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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