She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
