I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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