Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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