my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
