If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize