i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
