Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
