I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
