just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
