piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
