I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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