Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
