No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i was born a porn star she said
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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