they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
