I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
