Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
