I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
