I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
