I skipped work to stalk him.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
