She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
