When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize