When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
