Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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