So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
