And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
