But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
