we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize