It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
