You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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