So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
