Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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