Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize