I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
