youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
