Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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