what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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