Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
