they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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