oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
