There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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