Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
