im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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