Just fell off a train. Bad.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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