You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
