shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
