I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
