So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
