take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
