I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
