well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
