My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
