I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
