okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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