i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
