I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
