You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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