he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
