i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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