its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
