The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
