You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
sarcasm needs its own font
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
