You work out of a Hotel?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
