Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
