Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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