That's intense
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
