I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
