When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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