Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
